i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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