i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
