When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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