The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
