i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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