Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
a search helicopter?!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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