Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
