apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We left the knife in your bed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
