pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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