Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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