I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
