are you still at the devil's house?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
