Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
