that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
