Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
