Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
