You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
