A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
