I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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