Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
