im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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