I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
