Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
