Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
