chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
