We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
