Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
