Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Terrible idea I love it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
