thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
