I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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