i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
