So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
