Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
