I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
