We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
