like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
