Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
