Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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