We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
