You smell like a Billy Joel song
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
