I looked at my own cervix.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
