I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
