I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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