dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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