Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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