you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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