Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
