It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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