i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
