Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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