you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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