Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
