roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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