Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
