We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
