Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
