her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
