Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
