this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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