she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
