I will die if light touches me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
