You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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