whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
