Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
