Having a random hookup so left but love u
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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