he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
