This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
