Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
