obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
zippers are such a cool invention
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
