your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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