I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
