He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
