we're blogging at a bar
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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