'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
