I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
