i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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