new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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